the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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