Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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