I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My cat gives me a boner
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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