Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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