he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
