Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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