I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize