I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
