ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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