party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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