all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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