Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
