How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
