Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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