the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
