So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
