We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
