I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
