In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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