My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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