Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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