So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I could fuck to npr.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
