he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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