is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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