you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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