when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
