i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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