did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
