Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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