I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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