Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have fence marks all over my body
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
