i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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