sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
