that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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