You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
