Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are the jesus of drinking
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
