I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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