My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
