I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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