i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
