thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize