I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
handjob tips. give me some.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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