We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
