seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
