so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
