Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
