I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
