You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
