I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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