everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
