youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
