saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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