hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
