Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
