Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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