I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
