he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
