Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
