not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
