before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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