We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
