You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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