You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
