i barfeds in our rink
only you would photoshop your dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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