Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
