Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Randomize
