I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
