Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Terrible idea I love it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
