Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
