areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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