they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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