I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
