he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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