you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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