Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
