Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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