I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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