i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She even gives head with a lisp.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
