"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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