I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
