Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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