we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
