Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
