Pregnant stripper...not hot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
